i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
