Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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