don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I love you.
Bad choice
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