addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
