My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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