Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
