you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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