My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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