So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
