Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.