I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.