i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.