Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk