Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would ride that face into the sunset
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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