At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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