I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
