I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
