you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize