dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
