Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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