Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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