So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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