I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance