Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.