the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.