and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
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i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship