Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(301): View more from Maryland

i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

Fav 131 21142 2856
share tweet
(307): View more from Wyoming

I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."

Fav 20 5113 2095
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(251): View more from Alabama

I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.

Fav 13 4463 1194
share tweet
(650): View more from California

I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.

Fav 7 1782 936
share tweet
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(520): View more from Arizona

there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.

Fav 16 2370 1679
share tweet
(435): View more from Utah

I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.

Fav 13 2927 994
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(573): View more from Missouri

you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.

Fav 7 2046 788
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(416): View more from Toronto

When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.

Fav 1 381 869
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(952): View more from Minnesota

You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.

Fav 0 31 13
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT