when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign