to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
