I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize