Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.