After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.