hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same