I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.