I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.