yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.