Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you traded sex for a burrito?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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