Please, let me fuck your mom
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
