i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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