I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
