Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
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