just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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