and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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