Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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