His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
