I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How external is "for external use only"?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
