Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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