You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the gays at disneyland are vicious
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
