my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
