So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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