all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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