I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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