you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
