Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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