so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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