dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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