My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize