..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
