Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
