I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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