May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
