eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your cock deserves a montage
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
