I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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