he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize